I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, Youre gonna have to move, youre blocking a fire exit. As though if there was a fire, I wasnt gonna run. If youre flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. – Mitch Hedberg
If my kid couldnt draw Id make sure that my kitchen magnets didnt work. – Mitch Hedberg
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, Ill never be as good as a wall. – Mitch Hedberg
Id like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart. – Mitch Hedberg
Theres full consensus in the military that women shouldnt be in person-to-person combat. I dont know if we have enough experience to know whether this is the right approach. But women can be elsewhere. We have mandatory military service in Chile. I pushed for women in all areas. – Michelle Bachelet