I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. Its not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. Its the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is Delete. – Elayne Boosler
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? – Elayne Boosler
Ive never been married, but I tell people Im divorced so they wont think somethings wrong with me. – Elayne Boosler
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. Theres nothing more satisfying. – Elayne Boosler
Whatever is done without ostentation, and without the people being witnesses of it, is, in my opinion, most praiseworthy: not that the public eye should be entirely avoided, for good actions desire to be placed in the light; but notwithstanding this, the greatest theater for virtue is conscience. – Marcus Tullius Cicero