Ive never been married, but I tell people Im divorced so they wont think somethings wrong with me. – Elayne Boosler
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didnt have that rule when Jesus was born. – Elayne Boosler
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. – Elayne Boosler
Wouldnt it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers? – Elayne Boosler