Ive never been married, but I tell people Im divorced so they wont think somethings wrong with me. – Elayne Boosler
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. Theres nothing more satisfying. – Elayne Boosler
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. – Elayne Boosler
I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food. – Elayne Boosler