Ive never been married, but I tell people Im divorced so they wont think somethings wrong with me. – Elayne Boosler
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. – Elayne Boosler
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. – Elayne Boosler
I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots. – Elayne Boosler
Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But hes also funny as hell, and hes so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, hes so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. – Tom Hiddleston
A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain — then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system? – Robert A. Heinlein