The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didnt have that rule when Jesus was born. – Elayne Boosler
Ive never been married, but I tell people Im divorced so they wont think somethings wrong with me. – Elayne Boosler
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. Theres nothing more satisfying. – Elayne Boosler
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. – Elayne Boosler