A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. – Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesnt pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. – Henny Youngman
Ive been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, shell kill me. – Henny Youngman
Ive got all the money Ill ever need, if I die by four oclock. – Henny Youngman
I remember telling my creative writing teacher that you never want to have a journal, because if you lose it, then someones going to know all your secrets. And then she stopped using a journal, but I always write everything down… Anytime I travel, I try and fill up notepads. – Garrett Hedlund