Rice is great if youre really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. – Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg

Rice is great if youre really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. – Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, Youre gonna have to move, youre blocking a fire exit. As though if there was a fire, I wasnt gonna run. If youre flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. – Mitch Hedberg
Thats the most important thing to me – that if Im gonna spend however long it takes to make a movie, give up 14 hours a day for however many weeks or months, then its very important for me to know that Im working with people who I respect and enjoy and that were going for something together. – Brad Pitt