Rice is great if youre really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. – Mitch Hedberg
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when Im upside down. – Mitch Hedberg

Rice is great if youre really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. – Mitch Hedberg
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when Im upside down. – Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
Yknow, you cant please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show. – Mitch Hedberg
Few expected very much of Franklin Roosevelt on Inauguration Day in 1933. Like Barack Obama seventy-six years later, he was succeeding a failed Republican president, and Americans had voted for change. What that change might be Roosevelt never clearly said, probably because he himself didnt know. – Russell Baker