Rice is great if youre really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. – Mitch Hedberg
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didnt work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. – Mitch Hedberg
I like refried beans. Thats why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe theyre just as good and were just wasting time. You dont have to fry them again after all. – Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
My sense of religion is Einsteins sense of relativity. I dont believe in God. I believe that energy never dies. So the possibility exists that you might be breathing in some other form of Moses or Buddha or Muhammad or Bobby Kennedy or Roosevelt or Martin Luther King or Jesus. – Mandy Patinkin