My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
Yknow, you cant please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show. – Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
Yknow, you cant please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show. – Mitch Hedberg
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head aint funny! – Mitch Hedberg
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific. – Mitch Hedberg
I love Rauschenberg. I love that he created a turning point in visual history, that he redefined the idea of beauty, that he combined painting, sculpture, photography, and everyday life with such gall, and that he was interested in, as he put it, the ability to conceive failure as progress. – Jerry Saltz