I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. – Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? – Steven Wright
I think Gods going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. – Steven Wright
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, Im afraid of widths. – Steven Wright
The perennial conviction that those who work hard and play by the rules will be rewarded with a more comfortable present and a stronger future for their children faces assault from just about every direction. That great enemy of democratic capitalism, economic inequality, is real and growing. – Jon Meacham