If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey
Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared. – Jack Handey
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey
As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey
I do not want to admit to the world that I can be a bad person. It is just that I dont want anyone to have false expectations. Moviemaking is a harsh, volatile business, and unless you can be ruthless, too, theres a good chance that you are going to disappear off the scene pretty quickly. – Tom Hanks
As social media is less about technology and more about relationship building, we are starting to see more women have a heavy influence if not dominant role in the social media space. Its no wonder that Facebook is being run in part by chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg. – Erik Qualman