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Quote by Jack Handey
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you fr

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey

Category:
Trees
Author
Jack Handey
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As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey

Category:
Fishing
Author
Jack Handey
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Category:
Alcohol
Author
Jack Handey
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Other Quotes from
Skydiving
category

You know you’re a skydiver when your friends think it’s funny when you are sleeping to blow a fan in your face and set a beeper off near your ear. – Author Unknown

Category:
Skydiving

Jump pilots have an open door policy. – Author Unknown

Category:
Skydiving

If someone says, hey, you know, this long weekend, let’s go skydiving — I would say, no, are you nuts? I’d just as soon sit down and have a cup of tea. – Rick Mercer

Category:
Skydiving

You swallow hard, thinking to yourself, ‘It must be all right, thousands of people have done it before.’ Then… ‘But this time it’s me — that’s the difference!’ – Charles Shea-Simonds, Sport Parachuting, 1971

Category:
Skydiving

Random Quotes

We are beginning a new era in our government. I cannot too strongly urge the necessity of a rigid economy and an inflexible determination not to enlarge the income beyond the real necessities of the government. – Andrew Jackson

Category:
Government

True courage is like a kite a contrary wind raises it higher. – John Petit-Senn

Category:
Courage

For all his learning or sophistication, man still instinctively reaches towards that force beyond. Only arrogance can deny its existence, and the denial falters in the face of evidence on every hand. In every tuft of grass, in every bird, in every opening bud, there it is. – Hal Borland

Category:
Miracles

Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them. – Hugh Miller, Snow on the Wind

Category:
Broken Hearts