If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey
Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared. – Jack Handey
Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. – Jack Handey
I was on the point of cutting the cord that suspended me between heaven and earth… and measured with my eye the vast space that separated me from the rest of the human race… I felt myself precipitated with a velocity that was checked by the sudden unfolding of my parachute. – André-Jacques Garnerin, 1797