Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey

Category:
Fishing
Read Quote

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Category:
Skydiving
Read Quote

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey

Category:
Trees
Read Quote
Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting. – Don Marquis

Category:
Alcohol

Woman first tempted man to eat; he took to drinking of his own accord. – Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. K

Category:
Alcohol

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. – Jean Kerr

Category:
Alcohol

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety. – Thomas de Quincy, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, 1856

Category:
Alcohol

Random Quotes

There is something in the pang of change More than the heart can bear, Unhappiness remembering happiness. – Euripedes

Category:
Change

On a royal birthday every house must fly a flag, or the owner would be dragged to a police station and be fined twenty-five rubles. – Mary Antin

Category:
Birthday

While there continues to be differences, the important point is that all citizens and elected officials use democratic and legal avenues for solving those differences. – Boris Trajkovski

Category:
legal

I believe in everything until its disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if its in your mind. Whos to say that dreams and nightmares arent as real as the here and now? – John Lennon

Category:
Dreams