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Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey

Category:
Trees
Author
Jack Handey
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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Category:
Skydiving
Author
Jack Handey
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. – Jack Handey

Category:
Camping
Author
Jack Handey
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Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade — and then try to find someone whose life is giving them vodka, and have a party. – Ron White

Category:
Alcohol

There are two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it…. Prevention is better than cure. – Thomas Love Peacock, Melincourt, 1817

Category:
Alcohol

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting. – Don Marquis

Category:
Alcohol

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough. – James Thurber

Category:
Alcohol

Random Quotes

Saw a wedding in the church. It was strange to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition. – Samuel Pepys

Category:
wedding

Ive been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so its pretty equal. I dont know why that is. Its been the same thing for a while. Its hard for female comedians to stand out. Thats weird. Thats a shame. – Ellen DeGeneres

Category:
Women

God and Country are an unbeatable team; they break all records for oppression and bloodshed. – Luis Bunuel

Category:
Patriotism

Sweat equity is the most valuable equity there is. Know your business and industry better than anyone else in the world. Love what you do or dont do it. – Mark Cuban

Category:
Business