Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey

Category:
Fishing
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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Category:
Skydiving
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. – Jack Handey

Category:
Camping
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Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness. – Seneca

Category:
Alcohol

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk. – John Marcellus Huston

Category:
Alcohol

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully. – Graham Greene

Category:
Alcohol

The first glass is a sedative, the second a psychologist, the third glass an excuse, and the fourth a lobotomy. – Terri Guillemets

Category:
Alcohol

Random Quotes

Enthusiasms, like stimulants, are often affected by people with small mental ballast. – Minna Antrim

Category:
Enthusiasm

The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do. – Ted Nelson

Category:
Computers

Yes we have a specific procedure which we follow in all cases where the Agency is in contact, for the purposes of acquiring intelligence or whatever the case may be, with an individual. – Richard M. Helms

Category:
Intelligence

Politeness is like an air-cushion—there may be nothing in it, but it wonderfully eases the joltings along the rough road of life. – Attributed to H.W. Beecher

Category:
Manners