Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. – Jack Handey

Category:
Camping
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If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey

Category:
Trees
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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Category:
Skydiving
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Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers. – Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Satires

Category:
Alcohol

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety. – Thomas de Quincy, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, 1856

Category:
Alcohol

Know thyself, especially thyself after a couple of drinks. – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Category:
Alcohol

I hate a drinking companion with a memory. – Martial, quoted by Lucian #happyhour

Category:
Alcohol

Random Quotes

Summer is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. – John Ruskin

Category:
Weather

Reading the epitaphs, our only salvation lies in resurrecting the dead and burying the living. – Paul Eldridge

Category:
Epitaphs

A few years ago I lost 30 pounds, and people still wanted to criticize. And honestly, Im happy with myself if Im a little heavier. I realized: Why am I trying to conform to someone elses idea of beauty? I think Im beautiful either way. – Khloe Kardashian

Category:
Beauty

All the time hes boxing, hes thinking. All the time he was thinking, I was hitting him. – Jack Dempsey