Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey

Category:
Trees
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As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey

Category:
Fishing
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared. – Jack Handey

Category:
Environment
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Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

Sobriety is either the love of health, or an incapacity for debauch. – François VI de la Rochefoucault (1613–1680)

Category:
Alcohol

If food hath slain its thousands, then drink has slain its tens of thousands. – William Kitchiner, Directions for Invigorating and Prolonging Life, 1831

Category:
Alcohol

We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good. – Horace Hutchinson

Category:
Alcohol

Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third. – Knute Rockne

Category:
Alcohol

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Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. – Gerhard Kocher

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Nurses

Thomas Jefferson once said, We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works. And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. – Ronald Reagan

Category:
Age

My quarrel with him is, that his works contain nothing worth quoting; and a book that furnishes no quotations, is me judice, no book,—it is a plaything. – Thomas Love Peacock, Crotchet Castle, 1831 (The Rev. Dr. Folliott)

Category:
Quotations