Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared. – Jack Handey

Category:
Environment
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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Category:
Skydiving
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As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey

Category:
Fishing
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Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. – W.C. Fields

Category:
Alcohol

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough. – James Thurber

Category:
Alcohol

I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more. – H.L. Mencken

Category:
Alcohol

The first glass is a sedative, the second a psychologist, the third glass an excuse, and the fourth a lobotomy. – Terri Guillemets

Category:
Alcohol

Random Quotes

The richest love is that which submits to the arbitration of time. – Lawrence Durrell

Category:
Love

To be successful in real estate, you must always and consistently put your clients best interests first. When you do, your personal needs will be realized beyond your greatest expectations. – Anthony Hitt

Category:
best

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it. – Art Buchwald

Category:
Protest

The people on my mums side of the family are atheist intellectuals who are ueber-proper. My dads side of the family are missionaries who are more comfortable sitting around in sweatpants than they are in a five-star restaurant. But those two influences converged in my life. – Evangeline Lilly

Category:
dad