Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Category:
Skydiving
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As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey

Category:
Fishing
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared. – Jack Handey

Category:
Environment
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Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness — or so good as drink. – Lord Chesterton

Category:
Alcohol

Memory impairment: the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle. – Big Bang Theory, “The Agreement Dissection” (season 4, episode 21, original aird

Category:
Alcohol

Woman first tempted man to eat; he took to drinking of his own accord. – Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. K

Category:
Alcohol

I envy people who drink—at least they know what to blame everything on. – Oscar Levant

Category:
Alcohol

Random Quotes

If we reject science, we reject the common man. – Naguib Mahfouz

Category:
Science

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Category:
great

You live long enough in a world spinning on its axis, you learn to spin in the same direction. – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Category:
Life

My deal is have a flat, simple tax. And – Americans want – Americans I hope – aspire to be – be wealthy. I hope they aspire to have a better quality of life. And we have this class warfare thats going on now. And I dont agree with that. Im interested in people getting to work. – Rick Perry

Category:
Hope