Quote by Jack Handey
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singi

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey

Other quotes by Jack Handey

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint. – Jack Handey

Category:
Fishing
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If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey

Category:
Trees
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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. – Jack Handey

Category:
Skydiving
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Other Quotes from
Alcohol
category

I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade — and then try to find someone whose life is giving them vodka, and have a party. – Ron White

Category:
Alcohol

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. – W.C. Fields

Category:
Alcohol

Know thyself, especially thyself after a couple of drinks. – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

Category:
Alcohol

Health — what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. – Phyllis Diller

Category:
Alcohol

Random Quotes

No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education. – Plato

Category:
Education

When Im working, Im very purposeful and everything else gets out of focus. Something Ive had to work on together with my wife is how to acknowledge each other in the midst of this and keep the relationship going. – Jeff Bridges

Category:
relationship

Teaching is the royal road to learning. – Jessamyn West

Category:
Learning

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours — it is an amazing journey — and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. – Bob Moawad

Category:
Excuses