Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and youre kind, amazing things will happen. – Conan OBrien
The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said hed like to help, but hes pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army. – Conan OBrien
The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheneys friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said Yes. – Conan OBrien
Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasnt changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that hes started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob. – Conan OBrien
I think that were in a really amazing time, where there are really a lot of really fantastic female actresses and comedians. I imagine theres just a lot of opportunity for women to have powerful roles. Or its just that theres more women writing TV. Women tend to maybe write strong women. – Whitney Cummings