During last nights debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. – Conan OBrien
The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, Why didnt you do that when you were on television? – Conan OBrien
The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheneys friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said Yes. – Conan OBrien
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. – G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908