Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. – Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children. – Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. – Phyllis Diller
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant. – Phyllis Diller
Since the departure of good old-fashioned entertainers the re-emergence of somebody who wants to be an entertainer has unfortunately become a synonym for camp. I dont think Im camper than any other person who felt at home on stage, and felt more at home on stage than he did offstage. – David Bowie