I dont think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldnt surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number? – Andy Rooney

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you cant eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as progress, doesnt spread. – Andy Rooney

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you dont return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldnt want that to happen, would you. – Andy Rooney