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Quote by Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, Looks like youre writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, youll get more money. – Demetri Martin

Category:
cool
Author
Demetri Martin
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I like to use I Cant Believe its Not Butter on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Food
Author
Demetri Martin
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I didnt do improv in college, I never performed, I didnt do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Government
Author
Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Time
category

Every time I go and shave, I assume theres someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, Im gonna go shave, too. – Mitch Hedberg

Category:
Time

Time is what prevents everything from happening at once. – Albert Einstein

Category:
Time

Ive done everything I wanted to do, even if I have had to pay a very high price – which has been the case most of the time. – Paulo Coelho

Category:
Time

I dont even drink! I cant stand the taste of alcohol. Every New Years Eve I try one drink and every time it makes me feel sick. So I dont touch booze – Im always the designated driver. – Kim Kardashian

Category:
Time

Random Quotes

Try to find your deepest issue in every confusion, and abide by that. – D. H. (David Herbert) Lawrence

Category:
Confusion

Man is not like other animals in the ways that are really significant: animals have instincts, we have taxes. – Erving Goffman

Category:
Taxes

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation. – Colin Quinn

Category:
War
[An intellectual] is someone who can listen to the “William Tell Overture” without thinking of the Lone Ranger. – John Chesson

Category:
Music