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Quote by Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Birthday
Author
Demetri Martin
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. – Demetri Martin

Category:
funny
Author
Demetri Martin
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin

Category:
good
Author
Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Time
category

Some people think that the truth can be hidden with a little cover-up and decoration. But as time goes by, what is true is revealed, and what is fake fades away. – Ismail Haniyeh

Category:
Time

If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it. – Anthony J. DAngelo

Category:
Time

Theyre trying to tell us that were not right, so we have to buy their products. The number one cause of mental illness is not knowing who you are and you cant know who you are if you dont spend time honoring yourself, and living in the present. – Naomi Judd

Category:
Time

No thieves, no traitors, no interventionists! This time the revolution is for real! – Fidel Castro

Category:
Time

Random Quotes

Well, its very easy for me to gain weight, but even though I tried not eating for a week when I was really young, I couldnt do it any longer because I liked my food too much. – Amanda Seyfried

Category:
Food

To make a kung fu film is like a dream come true, because Im a big fan of kung fu movies and Im learning kung fu for a long time. – Stephen Chow

Category:
Learning

Every thought derives from a thwarted sensation. – E. M. Cioran

Category:
Discontent

I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Politics