Quote by Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin

Category:
Trust
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The thing about glitter is, if you get it on you be prepared to have it on you forever because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Scrapbooking
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Other Quotes from
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I really had no great love for shoes. I was a working First Lady I was always in canvas shoes. I did nurture the shoes industry of the Philippines, and so every time there was a shoe fair, I would receive a pair of shoes as a token of gratitude. – Imelda Marcos

Category:
Time

The last time I saw him he was walking down lovers lane holding his own hand. – Fred Allen

Category:
Time

Im not interested in trying to work on peoples perceptions. I am who I am, and if you dont take the time to learn about that, then your perception is going to be your problem. – Jim Brown

Category:
Time

How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon? – Dr. Seuss

Category:
Time

Random Quotes

Murderers are not monsters, theyre men. And thats the most frightening thing about them. – Alice Sebold

Category:
Murder

Mike Watt and I had the same teacher. Mr. Tanaka. – Krist Novoselic

Category:
teacher

It was a late-October Sunday, the leaves tinged with brown, and the air crisp in a way that made you shiver if you stood still too long. – Joe Kita, “Growing Old and Staying Young,” Wisdom of Our Fathers, 1999

Category:
Autumn

Memory itself is an internal rumour. – George Santayana, The Life of Reason

Category:
Memory