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Quote by Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. – Demetri Martin

Other quotes by Demetri Martin

I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin

Category:
Trust
Author
Demetri Martin
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said Happy Birthday on it. I didnt want to waste it so I just wrote Jesus on it. – Demetri Martin

Category:
Birthday
Author
Demetri Martin
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Other Quotes from
Time
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Im trying to stay as calm as possible and focus one day at a time, but when reality sets in, I feel everything: anxiety, excitement, nerves, pressure and joy. – Shawn Johnson

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Alcohol is a very patient drug. It will wait for the alcoholic to pick it up one more time. – Mercedes McCambridge

Category:
Time

We are so used to dissembling with others that in time we come to deceive and dissemble with ourselves. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Category:
Time

Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you dont live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too. – Albert Schweitzer

Category:
Time

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I aimlessly travel, meaning I have no agenda other than to get small in the world, be quiet and observe people. – Walton Goggins

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He stood looking after them… as though he had perceived that they had come back accompanied by a ghost a-piece. – Charles Dickens, Little Dorrit

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