An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. – Fred Allen
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host. – Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. – Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. – Fred Allen
I think Ive got my business notions and my sense for that sort of thing from my dad. My dad never had a chance to go to school. He couldnt read and write. But he was so smart. He was just one of those people that could just make the most of anything and everything that he had to work with. – Dolly Parton