If God dropped acid, would he see people? – Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic. – Steven Wright

If God dropped acid, would he see people? – Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic. – Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I said No, I made a few mistakes. – Steven Wright
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldnt park anywhere near the place. – Steven Wright
If you think dope is for kicks and for thrills, youre out of your mind. There are more kicks to be had in a good case of paralytic polio or by living in an iron lung. If you think you need stuff to play music or sing, youre crazy. It can fix you so you cant play nothing or sing nothing. – Billie Holiday