For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. – Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like Im the only one moving. – Steven Wright
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. – Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. – Steven Wright
There is nothing like the way people feel after theyve seen The Intouchables. They feel amazing. The word of mouth on this film is incredible. Its intelligent-feeling good. Youre not insulted by the low-browness or stupidity of some of the humor. Its so smart and terrific. – Harvey Weinstein