Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. – Joan Rivers
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found. – Joan Rivers
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.” – Joan Rivers
Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum – “My God, the floor’s immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch.” – Joan Rivers
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers
