I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.” – Joan Rivers
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if youre funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you. – Joan Rivers
I enjoy life when things are happening. I dont care if its good things or bad things. That means youre alive. – Joan Rivers
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was the man goes on top and the woman underneath. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. – Joan Rivers