Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. – Ambrose Bierce
Convent – a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. – Ambrose Bierce
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. – Ambrose Bierce
Edible – good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. – Ambrose Bierce