Everything is for the eye these days — TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all. – Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. – Fred Allen
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. – Fred Allen
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host. – Fred Allen
Youve got to honor your relationship with your audience – that they sit down because they want to be entertained. And that doesnt mean you cant provoke them and antagonize them and challenge them in the course of the entertainment as long as you keep the entertainment part of the equation alive. – David E. Kelley