Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet – it was a marriage of convenience! – Tommy Cooper
A woman tells her doctor, Ive got a bad back. The doctor says, Its old age. The woman says, I want a second opinion. The doctor says: Okay – youre ugly as well. – Tommy Cooper
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine.” – Tommy Cooper
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you give me a lift? I said Sure, you look great, the worlds your oyster, go for it. – Tommy Cooper
I honestly believe you can never tell if a relationship is going to last. In my own marriage, which is going on 14 years, I dont think of it as Im going to be with this person forever. Instead, I think of more like, Ill probably be with this person for the next six weeks. Then Ill re-evaluate. – Michael Ian Black