So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you give me a lift? I said Sure, you look great, the worlds your oyster, go for it. – Tommy Cooper
A woman tells her doctor, Ive got a bad back. The doctor says, Its old age. The woman says, I want a second opinion. The doctor says: Okay – youre ugly as well. – Tommy Cooper
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine.” – Tommy Cooper
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet – it was a marriage of convenience! – Tommy Cooper
Mayors could never get away with the kind of nonsense that goes on in Washington. In our world, you either picked up the trash or you didnt. You either moved an abandoned car or you didnt. You either filled a pothole or you didnt. Thats what we do every day. And we know how to get this stuff done. – Michael Nutter