I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only two inches taller. – Steven Wright
I think Gods going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. – Steven Wright

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only two inches taller. – Steven Wright
I think Gods going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. – Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and Im gone. – Steven Wright
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday. – Steven Wright