At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he cant. – Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. – Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. – Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield
Im moving on. I should have made that clear when I made the announcement. I guess I wasnt clear. If people think youre leaving a show after all these years, you might be retiring. So I understand where theyre coming from, but I should have impressed the fact that I hope Im just moving on right now. – Regis Philbin