Its tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she wont drink from my glass. – Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I dont get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to the best woman a man ever had. The waiter joined me. – Rodney Dangerfield
My wifes jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. – Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. – Rodney Dangerfield
Id love to have First Lady Michelle Obama over and ask, How do you make your marriage work? I think the president is sexy as all get-out, but he has got to get on her nerves some kind of way. Hes this wonderful, powerful man, but she sees him leaving his socks on the floor. – Sherri Shepherd
Science is out of the reach of morals, for her eyes are fixed upon eternal truths. Art is out of the reach of morals, for her eyes are fixed upon things beautiful and immortal and ever-changing. To morals belong the lower and less intellectual spheres. – Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891