Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. – Ambrose Bierce
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills. – Ambrose Bierce
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. – Ambrose Bierce
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. – Ambrose Bierce