Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink. – Mark Twain, Note-Book, 1935
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? – Jack Handey
I was a little different. I still say Im a little different, because success to me is not having the most money, or having the biggest car or the biggest house. – Herschel Walker