Im sick of following my dreams. Im just going to ask them where theyre goin, and hook up with them later. – Mitch Hedberg
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any cars headlights and tell you exactly which way its coming. – Mitch Hedberg
I dont have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman whod be mad at me for saying that. – Mitch Hedberg
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didnt work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. – Mitch Hedberg