Im sick of following my dreams. Im just going to ask them where theyre goin, and hook up with them later. – Mitch Hedberg
I dont have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman whod be mad at me for saying that. – Mitch Hedberg
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The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, Ill never be as good as a wall. – Mitch Hedberg
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Every time I go and shave, I assume theres someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, Im gonna go shave, too. – Mitch Hedberg
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Well, my thoughts about California are kind of mythological. To me, as well as being a real place, its a place where people go to find something – to find happiness or to realize their dreams. So it has that kind of quality of heroism and heartache, and Australia has that, as well. – Colin Hay
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