I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific. – Mitch Hedberg
I like refried beans. Thats why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe theyre just as good and were just wasting time. You dont have to fry them again after all. – Mitch Hedberg
If my kid couldnt draw Id make sure that my kitchen magnets didnt work. – Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
Stood off and on during the night, determining not to come to anchor till morning, fearing to meet with shoals continued our course in the morning and as the island was found to be six or seven leagues distant, and the tide was against us, it was noon when we arrived there. – Christopher Columbus