My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, Mom, they werent trying to teach you how to swim. – Paula Poundstone
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. – Paula Poundstone
I dont have a bank account because I dont know my mothers maiden name. – Paula Poundstone
I dont need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled. – Paula Poundstone
Before you, I engage myself to serve my country with the devotion and the exemplary that this post demands. I understand responsibilities of the job and, as such, I give a republican salute to Nicolas Sarkozy who has led France for 5 years and who deserves all of our respect. – Francois Hollande