I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. – Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. – Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I dont get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to the best woman a man ever had. The waiter joined me. – Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he cant. – Rodney Dangerfield