Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head aint funny! – Mitch Hedberg
Rice is great if youre really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. – Mitch Hedberg
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didnt work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. – Mitch Hedberg
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus? – Mitch Hedberg
Well, my thoughts about California are kind of mythological. To me, as well as being a real place, its a place where people go to find something – to find happiness or to realize their dreams. So it has that kind of quality of heroism and heartache, and Australia has that, as well. – Colin Hay
The Imperial German Government will not expect the Government of the United States to omit any word or any act necessary to the performance of its sacred duty of maintaining the rights of the United States and its citizens and of safeguarding their free exercise and enjoyment. – William Jennings Bryan