I was reading a book… the history of glue – I couldnt put it down. – Tim Vine
People ask do you make a conscious effort not to swear? – if youre doing silly stuff youre not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway. – Tim Vine
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said Whos speaking please? And a voice said You are. – Tim Vine
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Its either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think its Colin. – Tim Vine
From Jefferson to Jackson to Lincoln to FDR to Reagan, every great president inspires enormous affection and enormous hostility. Well all be much saner, I think, if we remember that history is full of surprises and things that seemed absolutely certain one day are often unimaginable the next. – Jon Meacham
I came here as a practical man, to talk, not simply on the question of peace and war, but to treat another question which is of hardly less importance – the enormous and burdensome standing armaments which it is the practice of modern Governments to sustain in time of peace. – Richard Cobden