Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. Its the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. – Lily Tomlin
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. – Lily Tomlin
Why is it that when we talk to God were said to be praying but when God talks to us were schizophrenic? – Lily Tomlin
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, youre still a rat. – Lily Tomlin
Patience is better than wisdom: an ounce of patience is worth a pound of brains. All men praise patience, but few enough can practise it; it is a medicine which is good for all diseases, and therefore every old woman recommends it; but it is not every garden that grows the herbs to make it with. – Charles H. Spurgeon (1834–1892), “On Patience” (John Ploughman)