I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. – Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. – Johnny Carson
Never continue in a job you dont enjoy. If youre happy in what youre doing, youll like yourself, youll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. – Johnny Carson
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. – Johnny Carson
Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God. – Christopher Hitchens