For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. – Johnny Carson
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. – Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. – Johnny Carson
If it werent for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, wed still be eating frozen radio dinners. – Johnny Carson
If you think aficionados of a living Constitution want to bring you flexibility, think again. You think the death penalty is a good idea? Persuade your fellow citizens to adopt it. You want a right to abortion? Persuade your fellow citizens and enact it. Thats flexibility. – Antonin Scalia