Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. – Mark Twain
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. – Mark Twain
I didnt attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. – Mark Twain
I want to be taken seriously as the type of musician that plays stuff like an electric rake. I mean, how seriously do you take someone like Spike Jones? They take him pretty seriously – a really good musician who made a great contribution in terms of humor, which is part of what I try to do too. – Eugene Chadbourne
Well, Im in my 60s now. I finally look it, I think. People until I was 60 would always say they thought I looked younger, which I think, without flattering myself, I did, but I think I certainly have, as George Orwell says people do after a certain age, the face they deserve. – Christopher Hitchens