Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens. – Andy Rooney
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you cant eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as progress, doesnt spread. – Andy Rooney
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. – Andy Rooney
I dont think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldnt surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number? – Andy Rooney