Every time I go and shave, I assume theres someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, Im gonna go shave, too. – Mitch Hedberg
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, Ill never be as good as a wall. – Mitch Hedberg
Id like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart. – Mitch Hedberg
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, Youre gonna have to move, youre blocking a fire exit. As though if there was a fire, I wasnt gonna run. If youre flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. – Mitch Hedberg
People tell you the world looks a certain way. Parents tell you how to think. Schools tell you how to think. TV. Religion. And then at a certain point, if youre lucky, you realize you can make up your own mind. Nobody sets the rules but you. You can design your own life. – Carrie-Anne Moss