A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. – Ambrose Bierce
Marriage, n: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. – Ambrose Bierce
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron – namely, that he is a blockhead. – Ambrose Bierce
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. – Ambrose Bierce