Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. – Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller
Health — what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. – Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children. – Phyllis Diller
Im addicted to laughing. I go to see a lot of comedy shows. Im addicted to playing really loud and obnoxious rock music in my car. Im addicted to beautiful clothes and shoes. I just love gorgeous stuff and work hard to acquire pretty things, shiny things. Im addicted to shiny things! – Nadia Giosia