The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. – Andy Rooney
I dont think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldnt surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number? – Andy Rooney
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. – Andy Rooney
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. – Andy Rooney
Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish. Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself. – Francis C. Farley
Brits and Americans have hundreds of different phrases for the same thing. Luckily, its usually a source of amusement rather than frustration. A flashlight by any other name is still a torch. My personal favourite is fairy lights, which we boringly refer to as Christmas lights. – Sloane Crosley