The Super Bowl isnt for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account. – Andy Rooney
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men. – Andy Rooney
I dont think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldnt surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number? – Andy Rooney
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you cant eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as progress, doesnt spread. – Andy Rooney