Im at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, Ive just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. – Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. – Rodney Dangerfield
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. – Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – were doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. – Rodney Dangerfield
Once one determines that he or she has a mission in life, thats its not going to be accomplished without a great deal of pain, and that the rewards in the end may not outweigh the pain –if you recognize historically that always happens, then when it comes, you survive it. – Richard Milhous Nixon