Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. – Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. – Johnny Carson
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. – Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. – Johnny Carson
The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up. – Ted Allen