Scriptures: the sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based. – Ambrose Bierce
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. – Ambrose Bierce
Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. – Ambrose Bierce
Irreligion – the principal one of the great faiths of the world. – Ambrose Bierce
If youre working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. Thats why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. – Lewis Black