Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. – Ambrose Bierce
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. – Ambrose Bierce

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. – Ambrose Bierce
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. – Ambrose Bierce
Deliberation. The act of examining ones bread to determine which side it is buttered on. – Ambrose Bierce
Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he cant find you. – Ambrose Bierce