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The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is eq

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. – Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975

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If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. – Harry Vardon

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Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose. – Woodrow Wilson

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Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit? – George Archer

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